Several of my Facebook friends and relatives shared this blog post on my Wall. I just had to read it, and share it with any of the readers who actually visit my blog.

The article “The disease known as perfection” comes from a blog titled “Single Dad and Laughing” written by a father, Dan with input from his son, Noah. Danoah is the mash-up nickname for the blog authors. I just started reading their blog, and it’s pretty darn good. They know how to keep it real, and share their life with readers. I admire that. Read on…

Married for 13 years, with 2 kids, I often start wondering were I rank in priority with my wife. It’s tough, because I know she is a good person,  and she would do anything for the welfare of our kids.
I appreciate that I can trust her when it comes to the kids, but what about me?

At the risk of sounding like a selfish prick (Yes, I have been accused of being “something like that” from time to time) I embark in part 3 of this series, “What do Sports Dads want from their wives?” Quite frankly, the sports dad just wants to feel that their wives really care about their welfare on more than a superficial level. Think of like this.

Imagine you are an aging Major League Superstar, who’s skills have diminished over time. As Toby Keith sang, “you might not be as good as you once were, but your as good once, as you’ve ever been.” I think of current Twin’s star Jim Thome’s situation he was in after the 2009 season.

His hometown team, the Chicago White Sox traded him at mid-season to the National League’s Los Angeles Dodgers. As an American Leaguer, he was able to be a Designated Hitter without playing a position in the field. With the Dodgers, he was used in rare situations, and didn’t get much of chance to show he still had a Hall of Fame bat. At the end of the season, Thome found himself “unwanted” by many baseball teams. That’s a familiar feeling for many of sports daddy’s who have been married for several years to the same spouse.

In our minds, we still believe that we are that we are that “baseball legend” husband that their wives chose to marry once upon a time. On our wedding days, we were all considered “royalty” waiting to be crowned in Cooperstown. Our in-laws loved us, and our wives still had that honeymoon twinkle in their eyes. Life was good, and felt even better.

So what do sports dad’s really want from their wives? We just want our wives to tell us that they still believe in us too. We all want to play on a team (wife/family) that knows our strengths, and can live with our weaknesses. It would be nice have our partners demonstrate that they do want to spend time with us, and that they are still concerned about our health, happiness, and well-being. We want to be on a team that will accept us for who we are, as is, knowing, trusting that we can still deliver in the clutch.

From first-hand experience, I know once the kids were born, my wife started paying more attention to them than me. I understand why, but that cannot mask my inner desire to have my wife’s exclusive attention from time to time. Even if it’s not intended on her part, feeling that our wives don’t really care about our welfare, cuts deeply. In numerous homes, this dynamic is what gets off balance and leads to serious relationship problems. The wife thinks she’s doing what’s best by putting the kids’ needs first, not realizing that the husband is as hurt as he is by this.

It’s tough to beg for this attention, and even harder to ask for it. Sports daddy’s often withhold their hurt by the lack of affection and caring. They don’t want their wives to see them as selfish, looking for attention with feelings that our preferences and needs are overlooked.

Fortunately for Thome, he found a team that needed, wanted and obtained his services. The Minnesota Twins signed him last off-season, and he has proven that he still has that Hall of Fame swing several times in 2010.

For the next week, I am making a focus toward Humility! I feel that it is necessary at this point in my sports life to make myself humble, and adjust my paradigm. To start, a simple web search for the word brought the following to browser screen:

It comes from here.

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. (KJV, Matthew 5:5-9)

Humility or humbleness is a quality of being courteously respectful of others. It is the opposite of aggressiveness, arrogance, boastfulness, and vanity. Rather than, “Me first,” humility allows us to say, “No, you first, my friend.” Humility is the quality that lets us go more than halfway to meet the needs and demands of others.

Friendships and marriages are dissolved over angry words. Resentments divide families and co-workers. Prejudice separates race from race and religion from religion. Reputations are destroyed by malicious gossip. Greed puts enmity between rich and poor. Wars are fought over arrogant assertions.

Humility as a virtue is a major theme of both the Old and New Testaments. Why do qualities such as courtesy, patience and deference have such a prominent place in the Bible? It is because a demeanor of humility is exactly what is needed to live in peace and harmony with all persons. Humility dissipates anger and heals old wounds. Humility allows us to see the dignity and worth of all God’s people. Humility distinguishes the wise leader from the arrogant power-seeker.

Acting with humility does not in any way deny our own self worth. Rather, it affirms the inherent worth of all persons. Some would consider humility to be a psychological malady that interferes with “success.” However, wealth, power or status gained at the expense of others brings only anxiety — never peace and love.

Better is a dish of vegetables where love is, than a fattened ox and hatred with it. (NAS, Proverbs 15:17)

Better a little with righteousness than much gain with injustice. (NIV, Proverbs 16:8)

It is better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud. (NAS, Proverbs 16:19)

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. (NIV, Proverbs 16:32)

Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife. (NIV, Proverbs 17:1)

It’s quite simple when you think about the needs of men in a marriage. Without a formal poll, (that will be posted after this series for all who want to contribute an opinion) I have recently concluded that there are 5 or 6 things that most men really want in their partnerships with their lovely wives.

The first need is APPRECIATION.

It’s like “hello?” Is it really that tough to show a man, any man, some appreciation? I think this is a slam dunk. Let’s say the wife observes her spouse playing “gleefully” with the kids for a few hours on a given day. The husband is keeping the youngen’s occupied, allowing the wife to go out with her friends, or take some time to go for a peaceful walk.

At the end of the day, the man just wants to be shown some appreciation. A little thank you, or a well done, or god forbid, “good job hubby” would be appropriate. Muttering the words just takes a few seconds, and the guy would feel that his contribution was significant.

People don’t like being taking for granted. In situations like this, it would be super easy for the wife to just ignore it, thinking, “That’s what husbands are supposed to do!” or “I do stuff like this all the time!”

But that isn’t a good approach. Men who have played sports, have all had coaches who know how to boast their confidence with some appreciation. The occasional “attay boy” is essential to show that they are on the right track, enforcing that they do contribute. Try some positivity, some plus side, and see how far that goes for him.

How do you know if your wife or girlfriend is having an affair, or at least seriously thinking about it? *

1. There’s no communication at home. “If she isn’t talking to you, she’s talking to someone else,” DeLorenzo says.

2. She avoids having sex with you. “Since women have affairs for love, not sex, she won’t sleep with her husband unless she’s forced to.”

3. She has a male “friend” who’s a good listener. “Even if she isn’t doing anything yet, he knows he’s first in line.”

4. She works a lot of overtime or leaves early in the morning. “Most of the time, people who have affairs will cheat with someone they’re friendly with on the job.”

5. She seems restless or irritable at home, especially on weekends. “When a woman has a new romance, she can’t help thinking about the other person even when she’s at home.”

Read the full article

* Source: Anthony DeLorenzo, co-author of “28 Tell-Tale Signs of a Cheating Spouse”