I love it when the Cowboys and Packers fail to make the post season, but stuff like this makes me laugh even more…

From the Dallas Morning News..

Just when you think the circus is shutting down …

A fan wearing a Jason Witten jersey stood on the street in front of the Cowboys’ Valley Ranch facility today, wearing a sandwich board that read, “WADE IS AN EMBARRASSMENT TO THE STAR” and “OUR TEAM HAS NO HEART.” The man ended up calling Irving police after a confrontation with LB Bradie James.

James said the fan was blocking his way out of the parking lot, leading him to tell the man he needed to get out of the way or get hit by the linebacker’s luxury SUV.

“He said, ‘Why you guys didn’t show that fire last night? You should have showed that heart last night!’” James recalled to reporters. “So next thing you know, I’m just ripping his sign off him. So I ripped the sign off him. He said I broke his glasses, so I went and gift-wrapped some Oakleys. He got something out the deal.”

Cooler heads prevailed when the fan met with James inside the Cowboys facility, along with a team security official and an Irving police officer. James said the fan told him his angst was directed at the rest of the Cowboys, not him.

“I told him, ‘I share your frustrations. But where we differ is I wouldn’t go to anybody’s job, especially not with 300-pound guys, trying to tell them what they didn’t do right,’” James said. “But that’s it. It’s over.”

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Update: February 3, 2001
- Mark has been acquitted of all charges regarding the alleged bathroom
porking of his 17-year-old babysitter at an after prom party. He is still
guilty of being a hypocritical, sexual pig (and of course, a Creep) for
showing up there in the first place. In another similarity to his pal Bill
Clinton, Mark beat the rap.

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Suppose you’re in Dr. Frankenstein’s laboratory, putting together a
human-like creature from the spare parts that your assistant Igor drags
in from the cesspool. All you have to work with is the arrogant, dumb-jock
mentality of Rae Carruth, the moralizing hypocrisy
of
Earl Kimmerling, and the “I’ll take the baby
sitter home, dear” technique of Michael Kennedy.
What sort of being could you possibly create with such a stinking assortment
of raw material? Smells like Mark Chmura to me.

Mark is a tight end for the Green Bay Packers who was a key member of
the team when they won Super Bowls in 1997 and 1998. He is regarded as
one of the best tight ends in the National Football League. But don’t think
of Mark as just a one-dimensional dumb jock. He regards himself as an active
supporter of family charities and conservative politics.

In fact, Mark went public with his ideals when he refused to go to the
White House with the rest of his team to meet with President Clinton after
the Packers’ 1997 Super Bowl victory. Why was that? Did he have a charity
fund raiser to attend instead? A family birthday party? Perhaps a Young
Republican’s Club Meeting? No, Mark refused to go because he disapproved
of Bill’s low moral character.

Good for Mark! It’s about time a professional athlete held himself up
as positive role model for the youth of America! And you can bet that a
fine, upstanding young man like Mark would keep his own sexual organ sterilized
in an antiseptic jar, to be used only on a semi-annual basis for procreational
purposes with his wife. Right?

Well, it looks like Mark went to the jar once too often. This week,
he got arrested after his 17-year-old baby sitter accused him of sexual
assault. The assault occurred at a party held in Mark’s friend’s house
after a prom at the local high school. What do you suppose a 31-year-old
pro football player was doing at a prom party? Chaperoning for one of his
family charities? No, Mark and the owner of the house were playing drinking
games with the high school girls in a hot tub. The girl in question, who
knew Mark from baby-sitting his two kids, became “very intoxicated” after
drinking vodka. Mark then took her into the bathroom and without saying
a word, took off her clothes and porked her. Right on the floor.

The police are recommending that Mark be charged with third-degree sexual
assault, which could put him away for as long as ten years. The only good
news for him is that by the time he gets out, he probably won’t have to
listen to any more tight end jokes.