You might be a Viking fan if…

Read on…

Deck the halls with baseball jolly this coming holiday season with these unique baseball gifts I found this October during Game 2 of the Twins vs Yankees ALDS . I was too nervous to sit  and watch every pitch, and every at bat with full attention, so surfed the web for a few minutes, typing in odd combination searches for “baseball gifts,” pranks, and gag presents. Read on…

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary  surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet
pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said,

“I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.” The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?” 
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the  vet. “How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean
you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.” 

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.   He returned a few minutes later with a black
Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked oni n amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put hisfront paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.  The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out
of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.  The vet looked at the woman and said,

“I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”  The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys  and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill.

“$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.”

 You know the drill … if you’re smiling, you must pass it on, give someone else a smile too! Share the laughter

The other day, I was deleting “junk e-mail” from my in box, and I saw an email from the National Football League, promoting the launch of NFL swimwear.

To parapharse a popular NFL feature in one of a thousand post game wrap up shows on ESPN,

“C’mon Man!”

Seriously?  Okay, bikinis are a nice touch in general, (especially when you are Spring Break in Florida), but when you start putting logos on beach balls, inflatable inner tubes and other stuff, the line gets  crossed.  The last thing anybody wants to see on Fort Myers Beach during Twins Spring Training is some portly Cheesehead with a Miller Beer gut wearing green & gold jams while trying to chase down a Packer’s beach ball.

Disturbing, to say the least.

We are not sorry for your big loss yesterday. You should know by now that #4 “Captain Intercepto” is about as clutch as a treadless Buick in a snowstorm. It sucks losing a NFC Championship at home huh? Anyway, to help ease your pain, enjoy some humor. This is how you know you are still a Packers fan:

1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth
than your spouse.

2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the
dinner table in front of her kids.

3. You’ve been married three times and still have the
same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is “out of your league”
bowls on a different night.

5. Jack Daniel’s makes your list of “most admired
people.”

6. You wonder how service stations keep their
restrooms so clean.

7. Anyone in your family ever died right after
saying, “Hey watch this.”

8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

9. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling
fan.

10. Your junior prom had a daycare.

11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled
Banner are, “Cheeseheads start your engines.”

12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house
exploded right off its wheels.

14. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and
down, depending on how much gas is in it.

15. You have to go outside to get something from the
fridge.

16. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

17. You need one more hole punched in your card to
get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

18. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because
there’s a law against it.

19. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your
wife drunk.

20. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

21. Your front porch collapses and kills more than
five dogs.

22. Your quarterback pisses away his and your last chance to lose another Superbowl by throwing interceptions! haha