Married for 13 years, with 2 kids, I often start wondering were I rank in priority with my wife. It’s tough, because I know she is a good person,  and she would do anything for the welfare of our kids.
I appreciate that I can trust her when it comes to the kids, but what about me?

At the risk of sounding like a selfish prick (Yes, I have been accused of being “something like that” from time to time) I embark in part 3 of this series, “What do Sports Dads want from their wives?” Quite frankly, the sports dad just wants to feel that their wives really care about their welfare on more than a superficial level. Think of like this.

Imagine you are an aging Major League Superstar, who’s skills have diminished over time. As Toby Keith sang, “you might not be as good as you once were, but your as good once, as you’ve ever been.” I think of current Twin’s star Jim Thome’s situation he was in after the 2009 season.

His hometown team, the Chicago White Sox traded him at mid-season to the National League’s Los Angeles Dodgers. As an American Leaguer, he was able to be a Designated Hitter without playing a position in the field. With the Dodgers, he was used in rare situations, and didn’t get much of chance to show he still had a Hall of Fame bat. At the end of the season, Thome found himself “unwanted” by many baseball teams. That’s a familiar feeling for many of sports daddy’s who have been married for several years to the same spouse.

In our minds, we still believe that we are that we are that “baseball legend” husband that their wives chose to marry once upon a time. On our wedding days, we were all considered “royalty” waiting to be crowned in Cooperstown. Our in-laws loved us, and our wives still had that honeymoon twinkle in their eyes. Life was good, and felt even better.

So what do sports dad’s really want from their wives? We just want our wives to tell us that they still believe in us too. We all want to play on a team (wife/family) that knows our strengths, and can live with our weaknesses. It would be nice have our partners demonstrate that they do want to spend time with us, and that they are still concerned about our health, happiness, and well-being. We want to be on a team that will accept us for who we are, as is, knowing, trusting that we can still deliver in the clutch.

From first-hand experience, I know once the kids were born, my wife started paying more attention to them than me. I understand why, but that cannot mask my inner desire to have my wife’s exclusive attention from time to time. Even if it’s not intended on her part, feeling that our wives don’t really care about our welfare, cuts deeply. In numerous homes, this dynamic is what gets off balance and leads to serious relationship problems. The wife thinks she’s doing what’s best by putting the kids’ needs first, not realizing that the husband is as hurt as he is by this.

It’s tough to beg for this attention, and even harder to ask for it. Sports daddy’s often withhold their hurt by the lack of affection and caring. They don’t want their wives to see them as selfish, looking for attention with feelings that our preferences and needs are overlooked.

Fortunately for Thome, he found a team that needed, wanted and obtained his services. The Minnesota Twins signed him last off-season, and he has proven that he still has that Hall of Fame swing several times in 2010.

It’s quite simple when you think about the needs of men in a marriage. Without a formal poll, (that will be posted after this series for all who want to contribute an opinion) I have recently concluded that there are 5 or 6 things that most men really want in their partnerships with their lovely wives.

The first need is APPRECIATION.

It’s like “hello?” Is it really that tough to show a man, any man, some appreciation? I think this is a slam dunk. Let’s say the wife observes her spouse playing “gleefully” with the kids for a few hours on a given day. The husband is keeping the youngen’s occupied, allowing the wife to go out with her friends, or take some time to go for a peaceful walk.

At the end of the day, the man just wants to be shown some appreciation. A little thank you, or a well done, or god forbid, “good job hubby” would be appropriate. Muttering the words just takes a few seconds, and the guy would feel that his contribution was significant.

People don’t like being taking for granted. In situations like this, it would be super easy for the wife to just ignore it, thinking, “That’s what husbands are supposed to do!” or “I do stuff like this all the time!”

But that isn’t a good approach. Men who have played sports, have all had coaches who know how to boast their confidence with some appreciation. The occasional “attay boy” is essential to show that they are on the right track, enforcing that they do contribute. Try some positivity, some plus side, and see how far that goes for him.

As a father with a “wild streak” past, I do my best to set examples for my kids. When I see other dads with better blogs (dedicated to pure familial thoughts, processes, and useful parenting tips) I get even get a tad bit envious. I start thinking, “I should do that” and “I could do that” and then I realize, I am me.

I have flaws, and I know what they are. The good news here is that I know the trials, temptations and tribulations that my off-spring will endure. I have been there. Many of my sports related stories are full of these incidents, and I willingly share them.

Regardless of my past, I know I am pure at heart, and I try my best to set a good example for my kids. Deep down, I know I am a good daddy and husband, and I will always continue to work toward that.

Then I see great inspirational videos like this, and I have to share them:

How do you know if your wife or girlfriend is having an affair, or at least seriously thinking about it? *

1. There’s no communication at home. “If she isn’t talking to you, she’s talking to someone else,” DeLorenzo says.

2. She avoids having sex with you. “Since women have affairs for love, not sex, she won’t sleep with her husband unless she’s forced to.”

3. She has a male “friend” who’s a good listener. “Even if she isn’t doing anything yet, he knows he’s first in line.”

4. She works a lot of overtime or leaves early in the morning. “Most of the time, people who have affairs will cheat with someone they’re friendly with on the job.”

5. She seems restless or irritable at home, especially on weekends. “When a woman has a new romance, she can’t help thinking about the other person even when she’s at home.”

Read the full article

* Source: Anthony DeLorenzo, co-author of “28 Tell-Tale Signs of a Cheating Spouse”